Dreamer's eyes

When we can't see what we are worth it is hard to imagine that the things we do are of worth. Sometimes it can be hard to see the forest as you are walking among the trees. I do believe that I can make things to be smaller than they seem simply because I can't see how I can be used in a big way. So in order to wrap my mind around it I need to shrink it, but the problem there is that when I make it out to be small to understand it I tend to leave it there. Now there is a danger in that because the smaller I keep the less it is able to grow. It is as if chains have been wrapped around the bud of a flower not allowing it bloom fully. The petals are pushing and fighting but the chain just tightens until finally the petals just give up and stay half developed.

Yesterday I spent time with Marla Jean and I was giving her updates on what I had been experiencing. I was telling her how this thought of not being able to understand why I was here kept haunting me. Now I don't know how the next part was supposed to help my argument, but I told her how I taught the last two days when I was at HOF. One was on worship and the other was on purpose. For what ever reason I began talking about the lesson and how I told the kids that sometimes things happen in our life that we don't seem to understand but that it plays out in our lives later on. As I started that sentence I wished I could take it back because the very point that I was trying to get across to the kids was the same lesson that I needed to learn. I guess I never saw this trip as being that big of  a deal. I never really thought that it was going to change me. I just thought that it was an opportunity to get away from the familiar for a couple of months. I guess I thought that this was going to be more fun and games than to be a real opportunity for God to work in and threw me.

So all of this coming to say that once again I can see why I am here. I had another what would be a bathroom revelation. *note- more and more of my revelations are when i am getting ready in the bathroom.* It was as if a light bulb went off and for the first time I started putting together the different dots that are forming this trip. Yes a huge part of this trip is to grow, but I am being put in front of some amazing people that can give me some fantastic advice for this merging dream that has become clear to me since I have been here. It has also showed me how things that I thought were different dreams have intertwined and are working together as one dream rather than two separate dreams. Seeing this has brought so much comfort this morning. It has also showed me that in this time I have so much to take advantage of because these people that I am here with are the people  that are encouraging and help build on those dreams.