Tomorrow I will be wrapping up my first week of my internship in New Orleans, and the same lesson keeps coming. Life is never how we picture it to be. I expected to land in New Orleans and to have the same energetic spirit that I felt when I was down here for the WOW Jam. Well I guess I didn't expect there for things to go back to business as usual. I don't really know what I expected it to be like to come back to, but my perception and reality were not on the same track.
Of course at first it seemed a little frustrating. It wasn't the way that I had pictured it. But of course just like anything God's plan is always better than anything that we can come up with. I guess I thought that I was just going to walk in and serve and everything was going to be pretty roses all in a row. Of course God thought of using my time better. Not only have I been serving, but there have been a series of events that have served on my heart.
As I am in the same city that I worked with the WOW Jam with it is easy for Stephen's voice to be ringing in my ear, "And remember be flexible." Well Stephen being flexible is a lot harder when you have to continue to be flexible everyday. I never imagined that it would be so difficult being out here and remembering to stay flexible. It has also been a real challenge trying to not know what is coming next. Most days I would find out the schedule for the next day at about 8 or 9pm and never know how I was getting back until it came time for me to leave. It is definitely stretching me. Honestly everyday I have either cried or been on the verge of crying because I just don't know how to handle this. I don't know anything about what is going to happen next, and I have had to take it just a few hours at a time. Sometimes I understand and sometimes I have no choice but to try and understand. It has seriously felt like a roller coaster of emotions simply because I can go from having a great time with the kids at camp to being at the verge of a break down. I just don't understand what is causing me to be so up and down. Is it a control issue? Is it a constant fear of the unknown? I have yet to discover what is leading me through this, but I am trying to move past it.
Now this first house that I am staying at has also taken me out of my comfort zone. I have honestly been dreading staying at this home since before I left for New Orleans. In the two months that I am going to be here in New Orleans I will be staying at four different households as I switch between churches. I have briefly met everyone that I will be staying with except for lady that is currently housing me. I knew nothing about her except for a first name. In the same day that I came to meet her I had been at the first church all day. I had met Pastor at the WOW Jam, but that was really it and Pastor was no where to be seen on day one. So all day I had been around people I had never met and then headed over to a home of someone that I knew nothing about. Honestly it was probably the hardest and most stressful day simply because I had no point of reference. Any security blanket I could of had was ripped from my hands as I begged on my knees for just a little bit of comfort. Yet all I had to cling on to was a pillow, blanket and stuffed bear from home. The first couple of days I wanted nothing more than to hide away in the room that they so generously let me stay in. It was as if I was a scared little girl curled up in a ball in the corner. I would let myself come out to play every once in a while, but it was only for a brief moment before I would run back and hide.
Everyday it has gotten a little bit better, and I am starting to get more and more excited as the days go on. It's the excitement that I was looking for before I left. I know that my thoughts are very scattered right now. I guess that I am trying to get my feet on the ground and break from this whirl wind that it seems I am in.
No comments:
Post a Comment