So yesterday I made the switch between Pastor Barriere and Pastor Jimmy. This last week seemed to fly by faster than I could even keep track of. What I realized is that last Sunday after we had the get together at Pastor Barriere's house with some of the members that I knew I started to feel comfortable. I let more of my personality come out with the people around me. But it was in that moment that I felt comfortable that things sped up. I also realized that by the time that I truly felt comfortable with all of my surroundings it was time to get up and leave again. As I thought about it I realized that this is how my life will be. God didn't call me to a life of comfort He called me to a life of obedience. I have a feeling that in my life God is going to put me in different places and the moment that I begin to feel comfortable is when it will be time to move on. As I thought about this the question of school came into mind because by the end of four years how could you not be comfortable, but then I remembered that there are a lot of things that at school that I might never be comfortable with.
Even though these first two weeks were rough they were filled with lessons and realizations that I am grateful for. Although I cannot name every lesson that I have learned there are some key things that stick out.
1. I have learned that I need to be more decisive and less people pleasing. I need to learn how to say what I want and what I don't want. Sometimes it really is more pleasing to others that I have a say rather than me to try and just give them what they want.
2. Learn how to receive a blessing. It has been very hard for me to receive. I love to give, but there was almost a sense of guilt when I received. I always felt like I would be putting people out even if they were offering. I have been told and have learned that we are blessed to be a blessing, and that God is trying to get blessings to me as well. When ever I feel like I am putting someone out or denying someone the opportunity to bless me I am stopping that blessing that should be going through me, rather than ending right before it gets to me. Me being blessed could be just what someone else needs, but I can't give what I don't have.
3. Don't clam up in new environments. This is something that is a process for me. I have realized that when I am all alone in new environments with out someone that I know well it is hard for me to be me. It is almost as if I shut down and then take all of me and stuff it inside where i can hide. There is a huge danger in that because usually it is my personality that got me in those situations and environments. Also my personality might be just what is needed and could be a blessing. This one I haven't fully worked out yet as I realized today being at Pastor Jimmy's house with all of his family here.
4. Talk to everyone you never know what they are going through. TKim (the T stands for aunt) repeated this over and over to me in the two weeks that I was with her. She told me that where ever she goes she talks to everyone because it could just be what someone needed was to hear a friendly voice. I can be a little selective about when I do this, it usually depends on my mood which i need to break out of.
5. Understand principles. Our talent will fade away but principles will continue to stand. This first started with the WOW Jam and now I understand why they work with the pastors and catering people that they do when they enter different cities. Everywhere around me I have been hearing the word principles, and it is because people have seen that this truly is the only thing that remains standing.
6. Forgive. Now this has been something that I have been working on all year. Every time that I hear someone teach on forgiveness there is always a new understanding to what forgiveness really is. It seems to get deeper yet simpler at the same time. Pastor Barriere helped me to see how easy it is to forgive when we look at our wrong and we see how Christ paid the price for all of our mistakes. Then when we look at the offenses toward us it really doesn't seem that bad. Also when we hold onto that anger we miss out on everything else God is trying to give or work through us. Forgiveness is the key to all other blessings.
8. Nerves are good. It should never be easy to teach God's word. It should continue to bring some nerves before I go up because it keeps me in sensitive to what a big deal it really is as well as an honor.
9. Be patient you don't know all that is going on. To often I am quick to respond and to often it could be an unnecessary reaction. Especially when it comes to people.
10. Have value in yourself. It is ok to value yourself and hold yourself up with out being vain. God has placed a high value on my life so why shouldn't I do the same?
These where the top ten lessons that stuck out at me in these last two weeks. Along with lessons I have realized more of my hearts desires. I have realized that is so hard for me to admit the desires of my heart when it comes to certain things. It is really hard for me to admit that with all of my heart I want to be married and during a Bible study they talked about it and how we are wired with that desire and that it is nothing to be ashamed of.
I have also realized how much I have missed working in the food industry. Oh how I can be beat tired after being up all day at the kids camp, and still make it through a six to eight hour night shift at work.
As I was talking to one of the ladies that I met here she explained that it is my way of serving people. The more I thought about the more I realized the truth in this. It is my way of being able to take care of people and share my love of food with them. So the more I have worked the more I realized that I still do want to open a restaurant or even a catering business at some point in my life. It just brings me so much joy. Along with the idea of the restaurant I have also realized that I want it to be a place that I can help with more than just food. I want to be able to help people who have been in prison and are serious about turning their life around. I would like to partner up with a prison ministry and give people the opportunity to make some money and provide for themselves. The harder they work the more responsibility and hours they would receive. There are just so many people that have made dumb mistakes or were with the wrong crowd at the wrong time and place and are forever marked by it. I want to be able to cut them a break and help them out in that way, and show them that if I can trust them they can learn to trust themselves to turn their lives around. Of course this is all just a working process, but it is in writing now. Oh Lord this is truly a desire of my heart lead me to the place and to the people that I need to meet in order to see this through.
Well six more weeks to go. Please keep me in prayer and I will continue to write when I can. Missing home.
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