Worship Night

If you get a chance go to lifepacific.edu and watch the intro video from the President Robert Flores. Listen to what he has to say about this up and coming generation of leaders of ministry. It is truly amazing and I witnessed it tonight. Tonight we had our first Worship night of the year and it was beyond words. Worship is one of my most favorite things to do when I come together in a church, but it was made better seeing everyone that was worshiping to be my age. We are all different and come from our own background, but we had one thing in common, we love Jesus. In the beginning it was just amazing to witness them praising God, but when I let go of the here and now I was changed. The Lord has been pounding on my door trying to get me to understand what it truly means to be forgiven and to let go I just wasn't ready to hear it yet. After a few songs I began to feel overwhelmed with emotion, and for what ever reason I wanted to hold it back. As I attempted the leaders asked us to break into small groups and to not hold back to let go of all the brokenness as we prayed for one another. As we got into our group I felt the emotion building up inside, and then it just came rushing out like a damn had just been broken out of me. The girls of my quad laid hands on me and began praying for me one by one, and as they did I felt like for the first time I could breathe. When you are out during this heat and you are just thirsting for water and you finally take that gulp of cold refreshing water that flows all through out you to cool you down, that was what it felt like to breathe. It was a gulp of refreshing water, it was as if I had learned to breathe for the first time. How amazing the feeling. We began broke out into worship again, and for the first time I worshiped with all that I am. From the blood in my veins, to my arms raised high, to my heart open wide it was all of me. They soon gave time for people to come forward if they felt the Holy Spirit speak to them.I saw a girl walk down the aisle a little timid. She wasn't handed the mic right away either, but God sent her to speak to me. It is such an incredible feeling when you hear God speak to you through other people. She said, "I feel the Lord is telling me to say to come as you are, that it's ok don't be afraid just come as you are." That was it I broke down and any and all brokenness I had left in me flooded out. One of the girls in my quad came to comfort  at the moment I had wished someone would comfort me.She stayed with until all of it was gone, out of me, setting me free from the person I was before. I died tonight. The Bianca I once new is dead. I do not mourn in the loss, but rejoice in the new life that I have found. I am, with everything, God's.

Move in Day

It still as yet to sink in. I am unpacked, I have walked around, and this still feels so unreal. I am so tired and ready for bed, but I just feel weird still. Don't get me wrong I love it here. God's presence is truly here. I felt God surround me before, but it's different here. It feels as though God has a blanket over this place. Like everywhere I go God is covering His love down on this place, and it's an amazing feeling. There is a huge sense of peace and safety on the campus, and it makes me feel stronger. I already feel as if I am closer to God by being here. I am so excited for this school year, and all that He has planned out for me here.

Blessed

Dear God,
You are amazing! You are right I truly enjoy your blessings more when I am tested and sit in anticipation. I love you, and I am awstruck at how awesome you truly are. Thank you for loving me so much, and not giving up on me. You are my creator, savior, and my God. How great you truly are!
In your loving Name I pray
Amen

Lat week I was awarded my financial aid for school. It was a lot less than I could have imagined. I began to pray and God told me to be faithful. I remembered an article from a scholarship site that mentioned that some kids abandon their award letters when they withdraw from school, and if you are short to speak with your financial aid to inquire about it. After praying I immediately emailed them back to see if I qualified. That was last Tuesday. The next day I received an email stating that my email was being forwarded to the director of financial aid to looked over. The days went on and suddenly it was Friday, and I still had not heard back. I called and left a message, but did not get a call back. That night I found out that we would not be going back to school shopping the next day, and wait to see what the school would say. I mistakenly took this as a sign that my dad was giving up on the thought that I wasn't going for financial reasons. The next day I cried and begged God. I couldn't imagine that I would come so close just to fall short. I started doubting and wrestling with my thoughts. I am not sure what a spiritual inner war looks like, but if I were to take a guess I was and had been going through one for a few days. My dad sat me down on Saturday to straighten out my thoughts. He assured me that I would be going, but we just weren't sure how much we would have to pay which means a cut back on back to school shopping. This was completely different than what I was beginning to believe. Sunday came and I had given it up to the Lord. I was so weak I didn't even know what to do. I offered that as God's starting point to start working on my heart again. For Him to fill me with His strength, instead of me trying to fill myself. At one point I just let go. It was that moment that gave me peace. I started thinking of how I could go after what I needed on Monday. Monday morning I begin my devotional time, and I feel the urge to call the school. I called but only got the voicemail again, so I continued with my reading. I had planned to call back at 10am to see if they were in the office yet. At 9:58 I got a call from the school saying that they had already emailed me with the information last Wednesday. What! I was shocked. I went to my inbox and nothing was there, but when I went to my spam folder there were three emails I had received from the school with different information. There lied the email for the financial aid. Even though we still have some work to do, I have been given a great opportunity to possibly receive more financial aid. As I began gathering the documents needed I received a phone call. It was the first school I had planned to attend. They were calling to inform me that the deposits that were nonrefundable would be refunded to me. I can not begin to explain what an amazing feeling of relief came over me. God just wanted to test and make sure I was faithful and ready to take on the path He has set for me, and now He has blessed me with what I need. It has truly been an emotional and amazing morning. God never seizes to amaze me with all His love and power. If this all has happened before school I cannot wait to see what surprises He has in store when I get there.

The Begining

For a few years I was lost as a young adult could be. Life was in the fast lane, and I thought I was loving it. I was loosing track of time, and suddenly it was almost two years later. My body was getting tired I couldn't keep up much longer. As my body slowed down I entered a period that I would look back and claim as my "rock bottom." I tried bringing myself out this period out of my own strength, and during that time I received a call to volunteer in the preschool ministry. I greatly feel that the preschoolers brought love into my heart, where it was almost forgotten. I had been building my self up, but I still wasn't strong enough. At about three months I fell back into old habits. As I began to slip God sent me a life line, and partnered me with my soon to be mentor. We met often and along with healing I was offered an internship in the first and second grade ministry. During the internship God brought into my life amazing relationship, which He used to begin healing my heart. Along the way I heard God speak to me to return to school. I looked and found a Christian school in San Diego. "That's it," I thought. I started planning and preparing, and if this was it why was it becoming so difficult. There was a reason I just hadn't found it yet. Open house came and there was yet another obstacle, the money. It was more than I had imagined it being, and we had no idea how we were to pay for it. We couldn't find a solution because there was none. I soon learned that the school I was suppose to end up at was Life Pacific College. In less than a weeks time I withdrew from school here in San Diego and applied to Life Pacific. In the same time frame I was sponsored for the money that i needed to secure my place as a student. God has made such an exciting path for me. He has kept me guessing, kept me on my toes, and kept testing my faith. Now school is less than two weeks away, and can't wait to begin. I want to use this blog to keep a log of my every day adventures of my college experience, as well as being able to keep those have helped and guided me informed of where their help has taken me.I can't wait to see where God will take me four years from now.