I can't believe here I am more than halfway through my first semester at college.The last time I was in school everyday felt like a year. It seemed like I would push with all my strength, but I could not budge time. Now I am desperately trying to hold on to the little time I have left. I have about 2 1/2 weeks til thanksgiving, then we get back have two weeks and then its finals week. What? This is so crazy! There have been so many changes and blessings that have happened.
On Halloween I celebrated 1 year since God began to break me, and in the past I would not like to make a big deal of anything because there have been enough incidents where people just don't show support. The night before I told my friend Danni that I wanted to celebrate it by going to dinner or dessert depending if we went trick or treating or not. As we went back into the quad I told the girls, and everyone was determined to help me celebrate that mile stone. The next day there were 12 people who came out to support me in this emotional day. We went to Red Robbin and then to Downtown Disney. It was simple, yet so much fun. I was able to take this day that could be a day of shame, and turn it into a day of rejoicing with the help of some amazing friends.
Then on Thursday another incredible moment happened. I know I previously wrote about being baptized in the Holy Spirit, but I honestly don't know if that's what it was. There is another experience that is called being slain in the Spirit. Now whether that day was just that or another amazing experience I am not sure, but it wasn't until this past Thursday that I was truly baptized. Not to discredit the spiritual experience that I wrote about in the last post, but not being well informed I wasn't sure what had happened. Maybe it was split between both. I went in to meet with Professor Larkin, who is just an amazing man of God. We have been trying to have a conversation on the Holy Spirit and the gifts for almost a month now, but we always had to reschedule. Finally we met and we began by speaking on the different revolutions that I have been having since I have been here, and how most of these students brush off my revolutions since it was what they have always grown up learning. Larkin is such a dad that he began comforting me in the newness of this information, and that what matters is not the excitement of my peers but rather for my own benefit. He then began to explain the Holy Spirit, and most importantly the gift of tongues. As he explained he had such a passion and joy for what he was sharing with me it was amazing. Once he finished he answered questions that I had. Then all at once Larkin looked straight into my eyes and simply asked if I was ready to receive the gift that God was wanting to share with me. Timidly I said yes, and quickly he went over and got his assistant. He explained that we were going to pray for the gift and that I would start. He also explained that I needed to pray with the expectation that I would receive it. I can only explain it now as if God came over me as we were praying. I had received the gift. After Larkin told me that I had just been baptized in the Holy Spirit, as I received my gift. What? I was? That was the only thing that came to mind. I felt different although I couldn't put it into words. I left there feeling different, and since then I feel like I have began to see things differently, such as the way I think and act. Does everything I do say Christ is in me? I have been working though this, and it is something that I am always going to be developing.
This past Sunday at church we had baby dedications at the end of service. As a church we were praying for the babies, and as I was praying I felt God speak to me. He began to tell me that I was to, at some point(relax dad), become a mother. Now I argued back and forth with God because honestly I was terrified. Although I have never been public about it, I have been terrified of being married and having kids for a very long time. Both my parents and grandparents divorced, and I could never repeat that cycle if I never married. As much as I love kids they scare me more than marriage. I never wanted to be held responsible for misguiding them, and knowing my temper and attitude I never thought I would be able to be a parent. As the prayer finished up I couldn't hide fast enough that Danni quickly asked what was wrong. The more I explained what happened the harder I cried. The lady that had sat next to me had gone up during the dedications, as she was walking back to her seat she immediately asked me what was wrong. I explained the situation to her, and in an instant she began to love on me and share her story. She had a truly rough bringing up and was pregnant at 19. Everyone had told her that she should abort the baby. This lady has now been married for 36 years with 3 children, 3 grandchildren with another on the way. In everything she shared with me the strongest thing that has stuck was when she told me, " don't throw in the towel because of other people's mistakes. God knows the desires of your heart and will bring the right man along that together you will build a home. If it is God's will you just have to be patient, and don't be afraid of the past." Boy did it hit me hard. She went on talking about characteristics that she saw in me. I was blown away. If God wasn't doing wonders with what she was saying, the worship team began to sing "How He Loves Me" which has been a significant song for me this semester.
There has been so much change, pain and growth in just a couple of months I can barely take it in. This semester has truly been about digging in deep and cleaning out all the pain, doubt and fear that has kept me in bondage for years now. This year is truly going to be an amazing year.
Monday, November 8, 2010
Saturday, October 23, 2010
update
OK so we just finished the half way point of the semester!!! I cannot believe that I am almost done with my first semester!! How crazy is that? I feel like just last week I was applying to LIFE and now I am almost done with my first semester. SO much has happened, and so much more is still happening. For one I am learning how to manage time. Now I didn't say that I am great at it yet, but I am working on it. God has been doing some serious work in me these past few weeks. He's taken this very broken girl, and seen how committed she is. He's shifting and molding me. He's getting rid of all the bad to make her a new, but in order to make something like new there is a lot of dirt that has to be dealt with. Yesterday my counselor wanted to be able to understand the events of my life in order, so what better way than with post its.She had me tell my story from the day I was born until now. I could not believe some of the things that I remembered. There were things that I had not thought about since they happened, and things I felt I could never forget. It brought so many feelings that I could not make sense of them all. She then asked me how do I normally deal with pain. What? There is a way to deal with it? Don't you just keep living your life til you get over it or forget? I know that next week is going to open a whole new box of emotions in itself, but that is what I am getting at. I am healing. For the first time I am learning to actually go through and let go of some of the pain forever. I know that until I become whole I cannot have the same kind of impact on people in my ministry. We all can point out people who are fake and are trying to sell us on things that they wouldn't even by, but in ministry we have to be 100% into God and all His promises. I wish I could say that I am there or even almost there, but the truth is that I am not, but that is what I am working on. This is what I am striving for.
(little side note I got asked to social[our dance] this week pretty excited=)
(little side note I got asked to social[our dance] this week pretty excited=)
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
Baptized
I have thought about writing this passage all day. After so much thought I have decided to write it down for no other reason than I never want to forget what has happened in this past 24 hours.
I got a job as a tutor last week. Yesterday there was a bit of miscommunication we could say, and the frustration took me over. Letting my frustration and anger dwell in me I allowed myself to become vulnerable. Within minutes I was attacked. This little frustration quickly became a huge overwhelming anger. It was not even an anger that was from the situation. I wanted to do everything against what I have become. I wanted to run, and I was ready. I finally had to make my way back on campus. Since I went on a tangent I had missed dinner and had to make microwavable food. As i was stomping back and forth from my room to check on it I ran into one of the girls on my floor. She is a very loving girl and we always hug. Well she went to hug me and I just broke in her arms. How could my mind be so far away from God? As I broke down some of the girls from the floor circled me and prayed over me. They assured me that it was not me, but merely the enemy. Although I was more relaxed I was not completely better yet. We left for a while to have some fellowship time and karaoke with some people from school, and it allowed me to forget all that had happened.
As we were gone my quadmate received an unusual text. Her door had been shaking like crazy and no one was in the room. What? Now some background on why this was worse than it would be just alone. Last week she was unable to sleep because a presence was in the room as she slept, and after praying over that her door is shaking on its own? We got back and prayed over the room and the girls that have to sleep there. As we finished another girl told me that mine had been doing the same. Shoot! I was so scared I wanted to cry. I couldn't even open the door, and they assured me that it was probably just the window left open. We prayed over the room then entered. It felt like a draft was coming in. The windows were closed. I can not explain what kind of fear filled me at that moment. I tried calming down and went to go shower, while i was in the shower I was tormented with images of me being taken over by the enemy. I then heard the name of my RA ringing in my ear. As soon as I was done I ran to her room and asked her to pray over me. We then went to pray over both room and anoint it with oil. I felt so much peace at that moment, but that was two attacks in one day.
Today during my first two classes I thought of how I had yet to be baptized in the Holy Spirit. During chapel we had a famous foursquare speaker, Leslie Kiegal(hope that's how you spell his name), come in and speak on the Holy Spirit. Well this isn't just accidental now is it? As he spoke I just burned for the opportunity to be baptized. Then it came, and he asked those who were ready to come forward. I stood at the front, but I felt like I should be on my knees. I didn't listen. My breathing picked up and there was a burning that was taking over me, as tears streamed down my face. It was getting harder and harder to breath and I felt the strength leaving my body. As Leslie was approaching I felt someone put their hands on my back, and the moment Leslie touched my forehead I dropped to the ground. I had lost all control of my body. I could not stay upright or even lift myself up. I just sat there with my head on the ground barely able to breath, and sobbing uncontrollably. All I could do was praise! My God was there and He had filled me in a way I couldn't imagine. I can't tell you how long it was before I was able to regain strength just enough to sit up, but I was at God's disposal and He knew I needed time to take it all in. When I finally regained strength Danni, my other half, came over and hugged me. She held me as I cried, and then I held her as she cried. We sat there and worshiped for some time longer. During this mini season an ever present song has been "From the Inside Out" by Hillsong, and today it truly applied. This was the beginning of the Lord completely taking me from the inside out. It is now that with authority I take on my role as a disciple of Christ. Though I know with every forward step I take the enemy will try and hit me that much harder, but there is a beauty to this. The enemy can get as close as he wants, but he can never touch me.
Where the Holy Spirit lives, evil cannot reside.
I got a job as a tutor last week. Yesterday there was a bit of miscommunication we could say, and the frustration took me over. Letting my frustration and anger dwell in me I allowed myself to become vulnerable. Within minutes I was attacked. This little frustration quickly became a huge overwhelming anger. It was not even an anger that was from the situation. I wanted to do everything against what I have become. I wanted to run, and I was ready. I finally had to make my way back on campus. Since I went on a tangent I had missed dinner and had to make microwavable food. As i was stomping back and forth from my room to check on it I ran into one of the girls on my floor. She is a very loving girl and we always hug. Well she went to hug me and I just broke in her arms. How could my mind be so far away from God? As I broke down some of the girls from the floor circled me and prayed over me. They assured me that it was not me, but merely the enemy. Although I was more relaxed I was not completely better yet. We left for a while to have some fellowship time and karaoke with some people from school, and it allowed me to forget all that had happened.
As we were gone my quadmate received an unusual text. Her door had been shaking like crazy and no one was in the room. What? Now some background on why this was worse than it would be just alone. Last week she was unable to sleep because a presence was in the room as she slept, and after praying over that her door is shaking on its own? We got back and prayed over the room and the girls that have to sleep there. As we finished another girl told me that mine had been doing the same. Shoot! I was so scared I wanted to cry. I couldn't even open the door, and they assured me that it was probably just the window left open. We prayed over the room then entered. It felt like a draft was coming in. The windows were closed. I can not explain what kind of fear filled me at that moment. I tried calming down and went to go shower, while i was in the shower I was tormented with images of me being taken over by the enemy. I then heard the name of my RA ringing in my ear. As soon as I was done I ran to her room and asked her to pray over me. We then went to pray over both room and anoint it with oil. I felt so much peace at that moment, but that was two attacks in one day.
Today during my first two classes I thought of how I had yet to be baptized in the Holy Spirit. During chapel we had a famous foursquare speaker, Leslie Kiegal(hope that's how you spell his name), come in and speak on the Holy Spirit. Well this isn't just accidental now is it? As he spoke I just burned for the opportunity to be baptized. Then it came, and he asked those who were ready to come forward. I stood at the front, but I felt like I should be on my knees. I didn't listen. My breathing picked up and there was a burning that was taking over me, as tears streamed down my face. It was getting harder and harder to breath and I felt the strength leaving my body. As Leslie was approaching I felt someone put their hands on my back, and the moment Leslie touched my forehead I dropped to the ground. I had lost all control of my body. I could not stay upright or even lift myself up. I just sat there with my head on the ground barely able to breath, and sobbing uncontrollably. All I could do was praise! My God was there and He had filled me in a way I couldn't imagine. I can't tell you how long it was before I was able to regain strength just enough to sit up, but I was at God's disposal and He knew I needed time to take it all in. When I finally regained strength Danni, my other half, came over and hugged me. She held me as I cried, and then I held her as she cried. We sat there and worshiped for some time longer. During this mini season an ever present song has been "From the Inside Out" by Hillsong, and today it truly applied. This was the beginning of the Lord completely taking me from the inside out. It is now that with authority I take on my role as a disciple of Christ. Though I know with every forward step I take the enemy will try and hit me that much harder, but there is a beauty to this. The enemy can get as close as he wants, but he can never touch me.
Where the Holy Spirit lives, evil cannot reside.
Monday, September 27, 2010
Francis Chan
What an amazing man of God. His faith is so inspiring. I found out last night that he would be speaking at Auza Pacific, which is like five minutes from LPC. So even though I had to wake up a lot earlier than I had expected to on Monday mornings, i managed to get myself out of bed. Let me tell you it was so worth not sleeping in. I can not explain how excited I was to meet this guy. All the way there I was bursting with excitement. We got seats pretty close up, and I could barely contain myself. I looked around at this huge gym as the students kept piling in. For some reason though they did not seem to excited. It was then that it hit me, we as a generation are not on fire for Jesus. Azuza is a Christian university, and they showed about zero excitement to be there in chapel. It broke my heart. Where are the next generation leaders? Why did they not share the same excitement for God that the few of us from LIFE did during worship. We are in a serious spiritual drought and if we don't do something about it things can only get worse. God brought us to live on this world, but to not be of this world. He brought us to seek out those who have lost their way, but how many of us are actually living that out? How many disciples have we raised up personally to go out and fight the good fight of faith? There is so much that we have been putting off that we can not afford to be putting off. It is not that we are to busy it is that we are to scared and lazy. Why not share God's love with that person in line who has pain in their eyes? What will it hurt us to reach out and help someone? Sorry for the rant I just felt it on my heart to share this.
Well going back to Mr. Chan. He came out a few minutes before chapel started, and the friends I went with told me to go introduce myself. Oh boy was I nervous. Let us take a step back, and explain why. Earlier this year when I really started following Christ I joined a small group, and Crazy Love was the study.It ended up being just me and the leader going through this service, but I am so glad it was. Francis' book makes you think of the really hard questions you never want to ask yourself as a believer. He pushes you to dig deep, and excits you with his passion. The number one thing that I learned from his book is that I do not want to be a luke warm Christian. I want my life to resemble Christ in all its meaning. This book at this time helped to really seek out more of God, and not only that but to stand firm in my decision to follow Christ. I wish I would have fully explained that to Francis today, but none the less I was honored just to meet the man who has given his life to God. Today during his teaching he spoke about how we are all human, and that we all have the power of Christ in us. That we will do not only the amazing miracles that Jesus did, but that with His power we could do more. Wow. What a concept, that I a new follower of Christ, could do the miracles of Jesus! Could this really be true? It was mind blowing to think of how true this statement is, and how often we do not see it. I want my faith to grow so that I may know that no matter what I face that Christ Jesus resides in me and through that simple truth I have the ability to be like Him.
There was one question that he asked that stood out above all else: "if someone were to put your life in the Bible would it be worth reading, or would they just flip on to the next story?" Don't let anyone tell you that what you are doing out of faith is crazy if it matches up with the Word of God.
Well going back to Mr. Chan. He came out a few minutes before chapel started, and the friends I went with told me to go introduce myself. Oh boy was I nervous. Let us take a step back, and explain why. Earlier this year when I really started following Christ I joined a small group, and Crazy Love was the study.It ended up being just me and the leader going through this service, but I am so glad it was. Francis' book makes you think of the really hard questions you never want to ask yourself as a believer. He pushes you to dig deep, and excits you with his passion. The number one thing that I learned from his book is that I do not want to be a luke warm Christian. I want my life to resemble Christ in all its meaning. This book at this time helped to really seek out more of God, and not only that but to stand firm in my decision to follow Christ. I wish I would have fully explained that to Francis today, but none the less I was honored just to meet the man who has given his life to God. Today during his teaching he spoke about how we are all human, and that we all have the power of Christ in us. That we will do not only the amazing miracles that Jesus did, but that with His power we could do more. Wow. What a concept, that I a new follower of Christ, could do the miracles of Jesus! Could this really be true? It was mind blowing to think of how true this statement is, and how often we do not see it. I want my faith to grow so that I may know that no matter what I face that Christ Jesus resides in me and through that simple truth I have the ability to be like Him.
There was one question that he asked that stood out above all else: "if someone were to put your life in the Bible would it be worth reading, or would they just flip on to the next story?" Don't let anyone tell you that what you are doing out of faith is crazy if it matches up with the Word of God.
Sunday, September 19, 2010
courage
It's amazing how we can touch people's lives by simply having courage.
People are looking for hope.
Searching for an answer
I have never been so open about God and my belief as I have since I have been at LIFE.
Tonight was one of my quad girl's birthday and we went out to dinner.
As the entire group of 18 of us sat there I felt the tension from one of the waters.
At first I thought he was just being a jerk, and decided to be a bit of a brat in the way I responded.
As the night went on I felt something else.
Towards the end of dinner he was coming around to fill drinks, and I asked him how his night was going.
He was kind, but heavy hearted.
I noticed he had a tattoo on his arm, and asked him what it was.
It was a tattoo in memory of his 5mo. old son who had passed away two months ago of a heart attack.
Way to go Bianca!
Not only was I rude in the beginning, but I brought up the pain again.
A friend and I talked about praying for him.
So the next time he came around we asked if we could pray for him.
To my complete surprise he said yes.
We laid hands on him and prayed.
Immediately after there was a change in his face.
Almost as if he had just been given a candle in a pitch black room.
What an amazing thing I got to witness.
God used me and Jamie to bring comfort to this guy who was working so hard, and dealing with this loss.
Though sometimes we don't understand why we feel compelled to do it we need to remember, it has absolutely nothing to do with us.
NOTHING.
We are called to say something or do something, not because we are something special.
God wants to speak, and keeping quiet is to deny Him.
I can not explain what was in his eyes once he said Amen tonight.
He needed to hear from God that everything would be ok, and that his son Mauricio was home in heaven.
I urge you to read this prayer and make it your own, and pray for Miguel and his family as they deal with this loss.
Father God as I sit here I pray that you bring a peace into Miguel's heart. One that only you Lord God can bring into his life. We know that you have a plan for Miguel and Mauricio was apart of it. I pray that you guide Miguel and strengthen him as he learns how you will use him.. Lord lift this families pain, and help them to understand there plan. I pray this in your Holy and Precious Name,
Amen.
It is time to step outside the box. I know there is nothing else for my life, why haven't I taken full advantage to make disciples in all nations yet. I can start here in my nation. I ask for courage for my life, and anyone else who might possibly look at this. Let us do your will Lord God because your plan is always so much better than anything we can ever come up with.
People are looking for hope.
Searching for an answer
I have never been so open about God and my belief as I have since I have been at LIFE.
Tonight was one of my quad girl's birthday and we went out to dinner.
As the entire group of 18 of us sat there I felt the tension from one of the waters.
At first I thought he was just being a jerk, and decided to be a bit of a brat in the way I responded.
As the night went on I felt something else.
Towards the end of dinner he was coming around to fill drinks, and I asked him how his night was going.
He was kind, but heavy hearted.
I noticed he had a tattoo on his arm, and asked him what it was.
It was a tattoo in memory of his 5mo. old son who had passed away two months ago of a heart attack.
Way to go Bianca!
Not only was I rude in the beginning, but I brought up the pain again.
A friend and I talked about praying for him.
So the next time he came around we asked if we could pray for him.
To my complete surprise he said yes.
We laid hands on him and prayed.
Immediately after there was a change in his face.
Almost as if he had just been given a candle in a pitch black room.
What an amazing thing I got to witness.
God used me and Jamie to bring comfort to this guy who was working so hard, and dealing with this loss.
Though sometimes we don't understand why we feel compelled to do it we need to remember, it has absolutely nothing to do with us.
NOTHING.
We are called to say something or do something, not because we are something special.
God wants to speak, and keeping quiet is to deny Him.
I can not explain what was in his eyes once he said Amen tonight.
He needed to hear from God that everything would be ok, and that his son Mauricio was home in heaven.
I urge you to read this prayer and make it your own, and pray for Miguel and his family as they deal with this loss.
Father God as I sit here I pray that you bring a peace into Miguel's heart. One that only you Lord God can bring into his life. We know that you have a plan for Miguel and Mauricio was apart of it. I pray that you guide Miguel and strengthen him as he learns how you will use him.. Lord lift this families pain, and help them to understand there plan. I pray this in your Holy and Precious Name,
Amen.
It is time to step outside the box. I know there is nothing else for my life, why haven't I taken full advantage to make disciples in all nations yet. I can start here in my nation. I ask for courage for my life, and anyone else who might possibly look at this. Let us do your will Lord God because your plan is always so much better than anything we can ever come up with.
Sunday, September 12, 2010
recruited
So its the beginning of week three. WHAT? I can barely believe this to be true. Week one was awesome after worship night we had a series of events including a trip to donut man, bowling, and a movie night. We have gotten together and gone to places like Hunington Beach and now yogurtland. Classes are amazing! My professors have so much passion for what they are doing, it's amazing. We had retreat this past weekend, and it was amazing. Our speaker Keith Jakins just brought such a powerful message about unity and sticking together. Worship was awesome! It was so great that I lost my voice over it. Being here has been such a huge change. God is present in every conversation in one way or another. We support each other in evangelising where ever we go, and it's ok to talk about God openly. As great as this all is the course work has been tough. There is so much material to cover. I wish I would have documented all these events as they were happening, there could have been so much more detail. Out of all this good I know that I am being attacked right now by the enemy, and its getting hard to stand my ground. I am trying so hard to not be alone right now because I know that is when he goes after me, well it's either him or my own self. As Keith spoke this weekend he spoke of the war that is to come. That is truly what I am facing today is the mini battles for going out to war. It's funny because my dad was in the marines for a period of time, and growing up he told me I should join. My first reaction would always be, "Heck NO! You are crazy dad! What if I were shipped to war? I couldn't deal with that!" Little did we both know that I would later be recruited to join an army that would be more powerful, and would face a battle field every day of my life. With God I can be a solider and stand my ground, with out God I will run and not stop running until I can never go back. I don't want to be running anymore. I need to take a stand, but I can't do it alone.
Monday, August 30, 2010
Worship Night
If you get a chance go to lifepacific.edu and watch the intro video from the President Robert Flores. Listen to what he has to say about this up and coming generation of leaders of ministry. It is truly amazing and I witnessed it tonight. Tonight we had our first Worship night of the year and it was beyond words. Worship is one of my most favorite things to do when I come together in a church, but it was made better seeing everyone that was worshiping to be my age. We are all different and come from our own background, but we had one thing in common, we love Jesus. In the beginning it was just amazing to witness them praising God, but when I let go of the here and now I was changed. The Lord has been pounding on my door trying to get me to understand what it truly means to be forgiven and to let go I just wasn't ready to hear it yet. After a few songs I began to feel overwhelmed with emotion, and for what ever reason I wanted to hold it back. As I attempted the leaders asked us to break into small groups and to not hold back to let go of all the brokenness as we prayed for one another. As we got into our group I felt the emotion building up inside, and then it just came rushing out like a damn had just been broken out of me. The girls of my quad laid hands on me and began praying for me one by one, and as they did I felt like for the first time I could breathe. When you are out during this heat and you are just thirsting for water and you finally take that gulp of cold refreshing water that flows all through out you to cool you down, that was what it felt like to breathe. It was a gulp of refreshing water, it was as if I had learned to breathe for the first time. How amazing the feeling. We began broke out into worship again, and for the first time I worshiped with all that I am. From the blood in my veins, to my arms raised high, to my heart open wide it was all of me. They soon gave time for people to come forward if they felt the Holy Spirit speak to them.I saw a girl walk down the aisle a little timid. She wasn't handed the mic right away either, but God sent her to speak to me. It is such an incredible feeling when you hear God speak to you through other people. She said, "I feel the Lord is telling me to say to come as you are, that it's ok don't be afraid just come as you are." That was it I broke down and any and all brokenness I had left in me flooded out. One of the girls in my quad came to comfort at the moment I had wished someone would comfort me.She stayed with until all of it was gone, out of me, setting me free from the person I was before. I died tonight. The Bianca I once new is dead. I do not mourn in the loss, but rejoice in the new life that I have found. I am, with everything, God's.
Saturday, August 28, 2010
Move in Day
It still as yet to sink in. I am unpacked, I have walked around, and this still feels so unreal. I am so tired and ready for bed, but I just feel weird still. Don't get me wrong I love it here. God's presence is truly here. I felt God surround me before, but it's different here. It feels as though God has a blanket over this place. Like everywhere I go God is covering His love down on this place, and it's an amazing feeling. There is a huge sense of peace and safety on the campus, and it makes me feel stronger. I already feel as if I am closer to God by being here. I am so excited for this school year, and all that He has planned out for me here.
Monday, August 23, 2010
Blessed
Dear God,
You are amazing! You are right I truly enjoy your blessings more when I am tested and sit in anticipation. I love you, and I am awstruck at how awesome you truly are. Thank you for loving me so much, and not giving up on me. You are my creator, savior, and my God. How great you truly are!
In your loving Name I pray
Amen
Lat week I was awarded my financial aid for school. It was a lot less than I could have imagined. I began to pray and God told me to be faithful. I remembered an article from a scholarship site that mentioned that some kids abandon their award letters when they withdraw from school, and if you are short to speak with your financial aid to inquire about it. After praying I immediately emailed them back to see if I qualified. That was last Tuesday. The next day I received an email stating that my email was being forwarded to the director of financial aid to looked over. The days went on and suddenly it was Friday, and I still had not heard back. I called and left a message, but did not get a call back. That night I found out that we would not be going back to school shopping the next day, and wait to see what the school would say. I mistakenly took this as a sign that my dad was giving up on the thought that I wasn't going for financial reasons. The next day I cried and begged God. I couldn't imagine that I would come so close just to fall short. I started doubting and wrestling with my thoughts. I am not sure what a spiritual inner war looks like, but if I were to take a guess I was and had been going through one for a few days. My dad sat me down on Saturday to straighten out my thoughts. He assured me that I would be going, but we just weren't sure how much we would have to pay which means a cut back on back to school shopping. This was completely different than what I was beginning to believe. Sunday came and I had given it up to the Lord. I was so weak I didn't even know what to do. I offered that as God's starting point to start working on my heart again. For Him to fill me with His strength, instead of me trying to fill myself. At one point I just let go. It was that moment that gave me peace. I started thinking of how I could go after what I needed on Monday. Monday morning I begin my devotional time, and I feel the urge to call the school. I called but only got the voicemail again, so I continued with my reading. I had planned to call back at 10am to see if they were in the office yet. At 9:58 I got a call from the school saying that they had already emailed me with the information last Wednesday. What! I was shocked. I went to my inbox and nothing was there, but when I went to my spam folder there were three emails I had received from the school with different information. There lied the email for the financial aid. Even though we still have some work to do, I have been given a great opportunity to possibly receive more financial aid. As I began gathering the documents needed I received a phone call. It was the first school I had planned to attend. They were calling to inform me that the deposits that were nonrefundable would be refunded to me. I can not begin to explain what an amazing feeling of relief came over me. God just wanted to test and make sure I was faithful and ready to take on the path He has set for me, and now He has blessed me with what I need. It has truly been an emotional and amazing morning. God never seizes to amaze me with all His love and power. If this all has happened before school I cannot wait to see what surprises He has in store when I get there.
You are amazing! You are right I truly enjoy your blessings more when I am tested and sit in anticipation. I love you, and I am awstruck at how awesome you truly are. Thank you for loving me so much, and not giving up on me. You are my creator, savior, and my God. How great you truly are!
In your loving Name I pray
Amen
Lat week I was awarded my financial aid for school. It was a lot less than I could have imagined. I began to pray and God told me to be faithful. I remembered an article from a scholarship site that mentioned that some kids abandon their award letters when they withdraw from school, and if you are short to speak with your financial aid to inquire about it. After praying I immediately emailed them back to see if I qualified. That was last Tuesday. The next day I received an email stating that my email was being forwarded to the director of financial aid to looked over. The days went on and suddenly it was Friday, and I still had not heard back. I called and left a message, but did not get a call back. That night I found out that we would not be going back to school shopping the next day, and wait to see what the school would say. I mistakenly took this as a sign that my dad was giving up on the thought that I wasn't going for financial reasons. The next day I cried and begged God. I couldn't imagine that I would come so close just to fall short. I started doubting and wrestling with my thoughts. I am not sure what a spiritual inner war looks like, but if I were to take a guess I was and had been going through one for a few days. My dad sat me down on Saturday to straighten out my thoughts. He assured me that I would be going, but we just weren't sure how much we would have to pay which means a cut back on back to school shopping. This was completely different than what I was beginning to believe. Sunday came and I had given it up to the Lord. I was so weak I didn't even know what to do. I offered that as God's starting point to start working on my heart again. For Him to fill me with His strength, instead of me trying to fill myself. At one point I just let go. It was that moment that gave me peace. I started thinking of how I could go after what I needed on Monday. Monday morning I begin my devotional time, and I feel the urge to call the school. I called but only got the voicemail again, so I continued with my reading. I had planned to call back at 10am to see if they were in the office yet. At 9:58 I got a call from the school saying that they had already emailed me with the information last Wednesday. What! I was shocked. I went to my inbox and nothing was there, but when I went to my spam folder there were three emails I had received from the school with different information. There lied the email for the financial aid. Even though we still have some work to do, I have been given a great opportunity to possibly receive more financial aid. As I began gathering the documents needed I received a phone call. It was the first school I had planned to attend. They were calling to inform me that the deposits that were nonrefundable would be refunded to me. I can not begin to explain what an amazing feeling of relief came over me. God just wanted to test and make sure I was faithful and ready to take on the path He has set for me, and now He has blessed me with what I need. It has truly been an emotional and amazing morning. God never seizes to amaze me with all His love and power. If this all has happened before school I cannot wait to see what surprises He has in store when I get there.
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
The Begining
For a few years I was lost as a young adult could be. Life was in the fast lane, and I thought I was loving it. I was loosing track of time, and suddenly it was almost two years later. My body was getting tired I couldn't keep up much longer. As my body slowed down I entered a period that I would look back and claim as my "rock bottom." I tried bringing myself out this period out of my own strength, and during that time I received a call to volunteer in the preschool ministry. I greatly feel that the preschoolers brought love into my heart, where it was almost forgotten. I had been building my self up, but I still wasn't strong enough. At about three months I fell back into old habits. As I began to slip God sent me a life line, and partnered me with my soon to be mentor. We met often and along with healing I was offered an internship in the first and second grade ministry. During the internship God brought into my life amazing relationship, which He used to begin healing my heart. Along the way I heard God speak to me to return to school. I looked and found a Christian school in San Diego. "That's it," I thought. I started planning and preparing, and if this was it why was it becoming so difficult. There was a reason I just hadn't found it yet. Open house came and there was yet another obstacle, the money. It was more than I had imagined it being, and we had no idea how we were to pay for it. We couldn't find a solution because there was none. I soon learned that the school I was suppose to end up at was Life Pacific College. In less than a weeks time I withdrew from school here in San Diego and applied to Life Pacific. In the same time frame I was sponsored for the money that i needed to secure my place as a student. God has made such an exciting path for me. He has kept me guessing, kept me on my toes, and kept testing my faith. Now school is less than two weeks away, and can't wait to begin. I want to use this blog to keep a log of my every day adventures of my college experience, as well as being able to keep those have helped and guided me informed of where their help has taken me.I can't wait to see where God will take me four years from now.
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